Nothing Was Okay
by ace1214
Summary: What could have happened after the Baghdad conversation.
1. Elizabeth

**A/N:** I couldn't get this out of my head so here goes nothing! This is my first fanfic in years. I hope you like it!

As Henry's voiced raised and he said "I don't know what it will look like when you come back", Elizabeth froze. She couldn't take her eyes off of him as he walked out of the kitchen.

A million thoughts were swirling through Elizabeth's head as she stands in the kitchen. The sound of their front door slamming breaks Elizabeth out of her thoughts long enough to realize that she has been standing in the same spot for the past ten minutes. Elizabeth slowly moves to a chair at the kitchen table as she thinks more about what Henry said to her.

_What does he mean? Is he talking about the kids? I know they are still young but it's only for a year. We can make it work. I need to do this, I can do this. _

Elizabeth stands up and starts pacing the kitchen, getting angrier as she realizes that Henry is trying to make her choose between her career and her family.

_Why can't I have both? Why do I have to choose? This was my proposal! This was me! _

A realization suddenly stops Elizabeth in her tracks.

_He's not just talking about the kids, he is saying that he doesn't know what we will look like if I go. _

_Us. _

_Our marriage. _

Elizabeth holds back a sob as she realizes for the first time that going to Baghdad could end her marriage. This thought had never crossed her mind because she thought they were indestructible. She thought that they could get through anything.

Knowing that Henry was gone, Elizabeth looked at the pictures lining the walls as she walked into the living room. There were baby photos of each child, vacation photos, posed family photos, but the one she stopped to look at was a picture from their wedding day. It wasn't a big affair but it was her favorite picture of the two of them. Elizabeth was looking up at Henry, both of them with large smiles on their faces, and Henry held her as close to his body as she could get. That picture meant everything to her because it was the day that they committed to spend the rest of their lives together. It was the day that Elizabeth knew that she would always have a family because Henry became her family. She took the framed picture off the wall and brought it with her to the couch.

Lying down on the couch, she ran her fingers over the picture. Tears fell down Elizabeth's face because she was both angry and incredibly confused. She didn't know what do to in this situation. Elizabeth was silently thankful that the kids were not home and she didn't have to pretend that everything was okay.

Because it wasn't.

Nothing was okay anymore.

The CIA was everything to her but her family, her marriage, was her lifeline. Elizabeth felt like she was no where near finished as an analyst. She had written the report on torture and now they were giving her the opportunity to actually change things. To really make a difference. Elizabeth didn't know how she could leave The Company at this point.

She holds the photo to her chest as the tears fall harder. Elizabeth couldn't believe that Henry really said those words to her, that he could leave her if she went to Baghdad for a year. Henry was her family and her lifeline. She thought that they would be forever. Times infinity, right? She didn't want to imagine her life without Henry.

She knows deep down that she could never give up on her marriage, that she would quit before anything happened between her and Henry. That's what they always said to each other, anyway. Now it was actually happening. Her career was coming between the two of them.

Elizabeth eventually cried herself to sleep, still tightly holding the photo from their wedding day.


	2. Henry

A few hours later, Henry pulled up to their house after driving around aimlessly. He turned off the engine, sighing and rubbing his face.

He knew that he should have said something before he left but he was angry. Really angry. Henry couldn't believe that Elizabeth was really considering leaving them for an entire year.

_Or longer_, he thought to himself.

He knew how Elizabeth was when it comes to work, she would never be able to leave if the job wasn't really done. He was terrified that Iraq would change her. That she wouldn't be the same incredible woman that he loves when she returns. Henry didn't know if he could sit back and watch Elizabeth go down this path.

He didn't know if he, or the kids, could survive knowing she chose Baghdad over them. He knew that wasn't fair, it was her career after all, but that is how it felt to him. It felt like she wanted to go to Baghdad more than she wanted to stay with her family.

And the kids. Jason was still so little and the girls needed their mom with them, not on the other side of the world in a war zone. He didn't know if he would be able to be the parent the kids needed while she was gone. Of course, they have friends locally but his family lives hours away and there's no telling where Will is at any given time.

Henry exhaled as he thought of the danger she would be in over there. He _knew _what it was like and he didn't want her to experience what he saw during his deployments. He knew she had already been there but there's nothing like being there day in and day out for a year. He didn't want that for her. He wanted to protect Elizabeth from that brutal reality.

_Damn it, why couldn't she just keep her desk job at Langley?_

Henry let out a shaky breath as tears threatened to fall despite his efforts to hold them back. He knew it was hypocritical of him to be this angry. He had been so fiercely proud of Elizabeth when she wrote the proposal on stopping torture and revamping how things are done. This was her chance to follow through and make sure it actually happens. This was her chance to make real lasting changes. But, he just couldn't see them making it through this unscathed. To him, watching her do this would break them no matter how much he tried to lie and say they'd be fine.

Henry looked at the clock in his car and realized he had been gone for over four hours. He knew Elizabeth hadn't called and he wasn't sure what he would be walking into when he went inside.

Sighing, Henry exited his car and walked up the stairs to their front door. Quietly entering, he walked into the house looking for Elizabeth. After checking most of the house, he finally saw her asleep on the couch holding a photo. It was face down so he couldn't see what the picture was. He immediately felt guilty as it was very obvious that she had been crying. He felt like a jerk.

Henry walked back into the kitchen and grabbed a beer from the refrigerator before sitting on the counter. He opened the bottle and took a big drink. He didn't know how to handle this as it was easily the biggest fight that they have ever had. It definitely didn't compare to the fights that they would have in college.

Before he knew it, his beer was empty. He jumped down off the counter and threw the empty bottle away. He opened the refrigerator to grab another but stopped short. He didn't want to be on the way to drunk when Elizabeth woke up. He needed a clear head so that he could explain why he said what he did this morning. Instead of grabbing another beer, Henry grabbed the ingredients to make a quick dinner. He didn't know if Elizabeth had eaten after he left. _Dinner would be good_, he thought.

He quickly busied himself prepping the ingredients for a stir fry. Cooking was his domain and it was a way for him to focus on something other than the thoughts running through his head.

Henry was so busy cooking that he didn't hear footsteps behind him. He turned around to grab a bowl and when he looked up he froze. Elizabeth was standing across the kitchen watching him with tears in her eyes.

"Elizabeth…" Henry whispered so low that she almost didn't hear him.

"You're back." Elizabeth replied with a shaky voice that betrays her. She didn't want him to know that she was so upset but she knew he'd be able to see she'd been crying. She walks fully into the kitchen and sits down at the table.

Henry finally found his voice, "Uh, yeah. Are you hungry? Let me finish getting dinner ready and I can sit down with you, okay?" Elizabeth nods in response. The tension in the room was thick but they both knew this conversation was inevitable.

However, neither knew how their marriage would be by the end of the night.

* * *

**A/N: I hope you are enjoying so far! It might seem slow but I really want to capture their thoughts before they talk to each other. Please leave a review. :) **


	3. The Talk

As Elizabeth woke up, she heard a noise in the kitchen. She immediately knew that Henry was home. She sighed with relief that he came back. Truthfully she didn't know when, or if, he would come back today. Wiping her face with the sleeve on her robe, she tried to make herself look more composed than reality. For a reason she couldn't place, Elizabeth did not want Henry to know that she has been crying all afternoon.

She placed the photo that was still in her hand on the coffee table and sat up. She was not confident at the moment and was unsure if she should go into the kitchen knowing Henry was in there. Deciding that she could not face him just yet, she quietly and slowly made her way upstairs to the bathroom that she shared with him.

Elizabeth closed the bathroom door before taking her place in front of the mirror. Looking at her reflection, she inwardly cringed. She was a mess. Her hair was no longer in a neat ponytail, but instead messy and all out of place. Her eyes were red and puffy. Elizabeth took her glasses off, grabbed a brush, and fixed the ponytail she had this morning. After she splashed cold water on her face and replaced her glasses, she sighed.

She knew that she needed to go downstairs and talk to Henry. She knew this but, for the first time in their marriage, Elizabeth was truly afraid of having this conversation.

Reluctantly, she made her way downstairs but paused when she reached the entrance to the kitchen. Henry was in the midst of cooking and looked so peaceful that she didn't want to ruin it. So instead, she watched him work. Truthfully, watching him in the kitchen had always been one of her favorite pastimes. She had never been a good cook and couldn't move around the kitchen with the ease that Henry possessed.

_Watching his muscles work has always been a perk, too. _Elizabeth laughed internally at that thought. Henry cooking seldom failed to turn her on but it had always been that way for her. She once again teared up when she began to think about the possibility of not having Henry in her life in that way anymore.

Soon, Henry turned around and noticed that she was awake and stood before him. Elizabeth noticed that Henry's body tensed when he realized she was there.

"Elizabeth…" Henry whispered so low that she almost didn't hear him.

"You're back." Elizabeth replied with a shaky voice that betrayed her. She didn't want him to know that she was so upset but she knew he'd be able to see she'd been crying. She walked fully into the kitchen and sat down at the table.

When Henry finally found his voice he asked, "Um, yeah. Are you hungry? Let me finish getting dinner ready and I can sit down with you, okay?" Elizabeth nodded in response. The tension in the room was thick but they both know this conversation was inevitable.

There was a long silence as Henry took his time readying the bowls containing dinner. He was going through the conversation in his head trying to make sure he sid exactly what he means this time. He didn't want to leave any room for error. After filling two bowls, Henry takes them to the table and sits down across from Elizabeth.

"Thanks", Elizabeth said quietly as she gave him a small smile. The room was silent as they both picked up their forks and started eating. Elizabeth looked at Henry as he just picked at his food, barely taking a bite. She put her fork down, preparing herself to start the conversation when all she really wanted to do was fall into his arms.

"What did you mean by what you said this morning?" Elizabeth asked hesitantly.

Henry placed his head on his hand, briefly closing his eyes as he tried to will the right words to come out. With a sigh, he explained, "I - I meant what I said. I don't know what it will look like here when you come back if you go to Baghdad. I don't know how everything can be okay if you're going for who knows how long to a war zone."

Elizabeth looked up, surprised, "But, it's only a year. I told you that I can come back after that."

"Yeah, you said that you _can_ come back after a year, not that you _would_." Henry shook his head slightly, "I know you, Elizabeth, you wouldn't be able to leave Baghdad if you haven't finished what you wanted to accomplish. I don't think that I can handle that. I don't think the kids can either."

Elizabeth laughed nervously, "So … what? That's it? You're going to leave me if I go?"

"No," He paused. "No — I don't know. I just can't see us making it through that in one piece. I know what it's like over there, Elizabeth. It's going to change you. "

"I won't let it. I'll be fine, Henry. We'll be fine!" Elizabeth said as she tried to convince him.

"I don't think we will. Do you remember how much I struggled after my deployments? And, we didn't have three kids to think of then. Look," Henry rubbed his face before continuing."It's your choice to go."

Elizabeth put her hand down on the table and looked at him angrily. "That's not really much of a choice, Henry. You are essentially telling me that it's this promotion or our marriage. That's not a choice and you know it. I didn't think you'd do something like this. "

Henry, for once, had no words to say. He knew this conversation went downhill from the moment he spoke but he just couldn't seem to tell her what he wanted to say. He seemed to have that luck today. He wanted nothing more than to pull her into his arms but he was terrified of his wife going to Iraq and that gave him tunnel vision. _Do whatever it takes to stop her from going, _he thought.

Elizabeth took his silence as an admittance to what she had said. He was making her choose between him or her career. She slid her chair back and silently went upstairs to their bathroom. She reached into the shower and turned the water on as hot as she could get it. After silently undressing, she stepped into the shower and let the hot water fall over her body. The water was so hot that it was stinging as it hit her back and, with that, she allowed the sobs she had been holding in finally release.

Meanwhile, Henry was in the kitchen cleaning the last of the dishes from dinner. Once he finished, he grabbed another drink, grabbed a few papers that needed to be graded, and went to sit on the couch. As he sat down he saw the photo that Elizabeth had been clutching while she slept. He turned it over and saw that it was their wedding photo. Henry fell back against the couch in frustration.

_How the hell did today end up like this? _

Henry picked up the wedding photo and looked at it in awe. Right now, he would have given anything to go back to that day. It was one of the happiest days of his life. Seeing the joy in Elizabeth's eyes as they promised each other forever was something that he would never forget. Instead of grading papers, Henry found a few blank pieces of paper and started writing.

A few hours later Henry finally made his way up to their bedroom. When he walked in, he saw that Elizabeth was on her side facing away from the door asleep. He quietly went into the bathroom to brush his teeth and undress for bed. He climbed into his side of the bed and hesitated before sliding over to put his arm around Elizabeth. They always fell asleep touching each other in some way. Tonight, however, he felt Elizabeth tense as she felt his arm around her waist. Silently cursing himself, he removed his arm and rolled over to his side of the bed.

Tonight, they fell asleep on opposite sides of the bed but felt further apart than they had ever felt before.


	4. The Letter

**A/N: I meant to have this up a few days ago but it's finals week and things got crazy. I'm not completely happy with this chapter as I had planned for this to take a different turn but this is what came out instead! I hope you like it! As always, PLEASE review! **

* * *

Elizabeth woke up the next morning still completely exhausted from the previous day. She had tossed and turned all night, unable to truly fall asleep. She was awake when Henry had come to bed the night before and she felt horrible about the way she tensed up when he put his arm around her but she just could not stand it in that moment. They were in the biggest fight of their marriage and she was just so angry.

She rolled over to face Henry and his side of the bed was empty. She glanced at the time and saw that it was still early. _Maybe he just went for a run, _she considered. Sighing, she rolled onto her back and thought more about their conversation the previous night. Elizabeth was so angry that Henry was essentially giving her an ultimatum, him or her career. But, truthfully she didn't know why he was doing this. During their conversation Elizabeth could tell that there was something more that Henry wasn't saying. She knew there had to be a reason he was doing this, but she just couldn't figure it out and he wasn't telling her anything. Hell, at this point they weren't even talking.

A short while later Elizabeth decided to get out of bed. As she sat up she saw a folded paper on her nightstand. She picked it up and when she opened the letter she realized that it was Henry's handwriting. Elizabeth fixed her pillows and she sat back against the headboard as she took a deep breath before reading the letter.

_Dear Elizabeth,_

_I have so much that I want to say to you right now but, for once, the words just won't come out. As I'm writing this you are upstairs showering. We've been fighting all day about this Baghdad position and how I don't want you to go. I know that I'm not being fair to you. I know that I should be supportive. I truly am incredibly proud of you and all that you have done in your career but, I'm just not okay with this. Truthfully, I am completely terrified. For some reason, I just couldn't say that yesterday. When you told me about this position, I became paralyzed with fear. Elizabeth, I cannot lose you. I don't want you to have to live in that world. You could get injured, or worse. Even if you make it back, it could change you. We both know that happens. That world can and will consume all of you. I just … I can't take that chance with you._

_The kids cannot do this without you. Hell — I cannot do this without you. We're forever and I love you. I need you, Elibet. I need you here. _

_Forever and always, _

_Henry _

By the end of the letter, Elizabeth was crying. Of course, she was still angry with Henry but at least she felt like she had a reason behind his actions.

Fear.

She knew that well. It was the same feeling that she felt every time Henry deployed. The difference is that Henry knew exactly what she would be heading into in Iraq. As she looked over the letter a second time, Elizabeth allowed herself to really think about what taking this position would be like for her. _Could she really leave the kids for a year? Could she truly make a difference in Iraq? Would possibly be ending her marriage worth it?_ In her heart, she knew the answers to these questions.

Elizabeth wiped her tears and hurriedly jumped out of bed to get dressed for the day. Once dressed, she went downstairs and wrote a quick note as she didn't know how long she would be gone and she knew Henry would be bringing the kids home in a few hours. She grabbed a muffin and her keys before leaving the house determined.

* * *

Late that afternoon, Henry was outside pushing Jason on the swing while the girls played when he saw Elizabeth pull back into their driveway. To say that he was apprehensive was an understatement. When he went upstairs after his run the letter was gone so he knew she read it but he had no idea how she reacted to what he wrote. The note she left him simply stated that she was gone and didn't know what time she would be back.

He couldn't take his eyes off of Elizabeth as she got out of the car and started walking towards them. Henry always loved the way that her eyes lit up when she was around their children. It was one of the many things that he loved about his wife. Elizabeth gave him a small smile before busying herself with the girls. It was her silent way of saying that they would talk later_. _Henry wanted to keep this as far away from the kids as he could so he was more than happy to take her lead and pretend that everything was okay. The kids didn't need to know that their parents were fighting.

For the rest of the day, Henry and Elizabeth focused completely on the children and barely spoke to each other. The tension was thick between the couple. As Elizabeth closed the door to Jason's room, she leaned against it and sighed. All three kids were in bed and it was time to talk to Henry and lay it all out on the table. She went downstairs and poured a glass of wine before joining him on the couch. They were on opposite ends of the couch but Henry was just happy to finally have her in the same room, knowing that they were going to talk.

Henry decided to just dive right into the conversation. "Where were you today?" He asked Elizabeth.

Elizabeth looked up at Henry, "Isabelle and I had drinks. I needed to talk to her."

"About us?" She nodded before sipping her wine. "Oh. Okay. Was there anything else that you did?" Henry knew better than to question her talking to Isabelle about them. He knew that she needed to talk it out with someone and for now that someone wasn't him.

"Actually, yes. I went to see Conrad." Elizabeth replied looking down, refusing to look him in the eye.

Henry looked at Elizabeth in surprise. He had not expected that answer. His thoughts started racing. _Did she take the position? What did she do? _"Wh — what? Why?"

"I quit, Henry." She told him with tears in her eyes.

"Elizabeth," Henry paused, "that's not what I wanted you to do. I never wanted you to quit. You didn't have to do that." Henry knew that her job as a CIA Analyst meant everything to her. Getting her to quit was never his goal.

"Yes, I did Henry. You don't want me to go to Baghdad and I can't stay in my position now. Not after writing that report. It was either go to Baghdad or leave the CIA. I couldn't stay, not now." She wiped her face and took another drink of her wine. "Look. I read your letter. I get it. I don't like it and, honestly, we aren't okay but I understand."

Henry was speechless. He had been terrified of her leaving to go to Baghdad but he had never considered Elizabeth leaving the CIA altogether. He might actually be more terrified for what that means for his wife. The CIA was all that she knew.

"I — I'm sorry, Elizabeth." Henry hesitantly reached across and held her hand. To his surprise, she didn't pull her hand away from him. "What next? What are you going to do?"

She laughed warily, "I have no idea. I've never planned for anything else. I don't know what I'm going to do."

They both sat in silence for a while, just finishing their drinks and thinking about what this means while only connected by holding the others' hand. What it means for Elizabeth and, ultimately, for them.

After a while, they both decided to head to bed. They silently changed into pajamas, finished their nightly routine, and got into bed. They initially got into bed the same way they did the previous night, on opposite sides of the bed.

"Will we be okay, Elizabeth?' Henry hesitantly asked her as he looked up at the ceiling.

After a few minutes of silence Elizabeth quietly replied, "I don't know Henry. I hope so."

Henry felt his heart break slightly at her response. All he wanted to do was protect her and now, he could lose her. He then knew that it would be a long road but he promised himself that he would do everything that he could to ensure that they made it through this. Their marriage ending was not a possibility for him, it couldn't be.


	5. The Aftermath

**Surprise! I wrote another chapter and I've decided to keep going with this story. I feel like there's more here to explore. **

* * *

It had been three months since the ultimatum that resulted in Elizabeth quitting her job.

Three miserable months.

Despite their conversation and Elizabeth's understanding of why Henry did what he did, they were more disconnected than ever.

Elizabeth was lost. She had her family, of course. Her family was everything to her. But so was the CIA and that was no longer a part of her life. Because of Henry. She couldn't help but blame him.

Every day was the same. They did what needed to be done for the kids should that be sporting events, carpooling, holding them through nightmares and sick nights, or whatever else they needed. They put on a united front where the kids were concerned but the switch flipped every night after they were in bed. Most nights Elizabeth slept on the couch and when she ended up in bed, they were on opposite sides. Gone were the nights of Henry holding her, much to his dismay.

Henry had no idea what to do to fix his marriage. They had talked and argued this to death, but nothing was changing. He even regularly invited her friends over for dinner so she could catch up with them.

But he knew that Elizabeth resented him, just like he feared. His biggest fear was losing her and it was becoming a reality before his eyes, only she was right in front of him and not on another continent.

He sighed as he sat in his office at UVA, not quite ready to face Elizabeth at home. He knew that Stevie was starting to pick up on the tension between her parents, despite their best efforts to hide it from the kids. She hadn't started asking questions yet but she was becoming more clingy and needing more reassurance from him than usual.

As he sat at his desk scrolling through emails, he saw one from his mother asking when they were coming up to visit again. His parents knew that Elizabeth had left the CIA but they didn't know the details as to why. The last thing Henry wanted was a reason for his dad and Maureen to hate Elizabeth. Their relationship was already strained enough.

While looking at the email, Henry made the decision that he needed some time away from his wife. He would take the kids to visit his parents since the following week was fall break and school was out. He quickly sent a reply to his mother informing her of his plans before shutting his computer down and heading home. He just needed to tell Elizabeth now. _Easier said than done_, he thought.

* * *

Elizabeth was sitting on the couch attempting to read a book while nursing a glass of wine. It was late and all three kids had successfully gone down for the night. She was happy that she managed it alone since Henry was still at the university. _Another late night_. That happened more often than not these days. Elizabeth missed her husband immensely, but she just couldn't make herself get over the situation they found themselves in. She was hurt that he would ever even consider leaving her over her job. Rationally, she knew he was just scared when he gave her the ultimatum but it didn't make it hurt any less.

She heard the front door open and she quickly wiped the tears that she didn't even know were falling. She watched him kick his shoes off and hang up his bags before going into the kitchen to grab a drink. He made his way into the living room where she was sitting and she could see that he was tired.

"The kids okay?" He asked without completely looking at her.

"Yeah," she nodded, "Stevie was asking for you before bed. She might still be awake if you want to check in on her."

"I'll go do that." He risked a glance at her. "Oh. I think the kids and I are going to go to Pittsburgh for a few days. Mom's been asking to see them and since it's fall break I figured we could make that happen. Is that okay?"

Elizabeth looked at him, surprised. "Oh. Uh, sure." She paused, "Do you want me to come?"

Henry sighed before looking directly at her. "Honestly? No. Not unless you want everyone to know how miserable we are. All we do anymore is fight, Elizabeth. I need a break from this for a few days."

Elizabeth couldn't hide the hurt on her face as she nodded and whispered, "okay."

Henry watched her for a moment before turning and going upstairs to check on their kids. Meanwhile, Elizabeth fell back onto the couch trying to hold back sobs. She knew that she had to fix her marriage before she completely lost everything. She just had to figure out how.


	6. The Distance

The next morning, Henry woke up early and just watched Elizabeth sleep. Her hair was all over her pillow but he thought that she couldn't look more beautiful than she looked right at this moment. He longed to pull her into his arms, hold her and kiss her like he hadn't in months. He reached out and brushed a strand of her hair from her face before leaving a light kiss on her temple. He quietly prayed that the Elizabeth he loved would come back to him. After watching her for a few minutes, he heard Jason wake up so he got out of bed and started his Saturday morning routine.

Walking into Jason's room, he saw his son smiling happily in his crib. Henry picked him up, kissed his forehead, and got the little guy ready for their day. Then, the two made their way downstairs. Henry turned on cartoons for Jason so that he could make breakfast for his family. This was their routine every Saturday morning and Henry loved it.

An hour later, both girls were up and eating breakfast when Elizabeth made her way into the kitchen. She kissed the top of each kid's head as she passed them on her way to get coffee.

"I made pancakes. Your plate is in the microwave and the coffee is fresh." Henry told her as he cleaned up the kitchen.

"Thanks, Henry." She replied quietly as she made a cup for herself.

"Mommy, mommy! Daddy says we're going to see Grandma and Grandpa this morning! Aren't you excited?" Stevie said as she ran up to her mother with a huge smile on her face.

Elizabeth looked across the room at Henry, trying to figure out how to answer their daughter. Looking down at Stevie, she replied, "I'm so excited for you guys but this trip is just you kids and your dad. I've got some things to do around the house while you're gone. But you're going to have a blast!" She hugged her daughter that was quickly getting too big to pick up. She took in a deep breath while she hugged her, relishing the fleeting feeling of Stevie in her arms.

Henry stood up and caught Elizabeth's eye, "I'm going to go pack so we can get on the road. I want to try to get there and get settled before Jason gets too restless."

"Oh, I want to pack dad!" Stevie said excitedly as she raced upstairs to her room.

Elizabeth watched the too retreat upstairs as she focused her attention on Alison and Jason.

* * *

All too quickly, the car was packed and the kids were in their car seats after saying goodbye to their mom. Henry and Elizabeth stood awkwardly outside of the car unsure of what to say to each other.

"When will you be back?" Elizabeth finally asked Henry as she stood with her arms crossed as if she were protecting herself.  
"Thursday at the latest, but probably Wednesday afternoon," Henry replied. "I'll make sure the kids call and talk to you before bed so you can tell them goodnight."

Elizabeth nodded in thanks. "What about you? Will we talk while you're gone?"

Henry ran his hands through his hair and looked at her, "We can." Sighing, he continued. "Look we've got to go. I don't want to be on the road too late."

Elizabeth held back tears as she looked at Henry. He took a risk and pulled her into his arms for the first time in over three months. "I love you, okay?" She unfolded her arms and wrapped them around her husband tightly as she willed herself not to cry. "We'll be back in a few days. Do whatever you need to do for yourself in the meantime."

She nodded and whispered, through tears "I love you too." Henry pulled her closer and kissed the top of her head. They stayed like that for as long as he could before releasing her.

"I'll let you know when we make it."

"Okay. Be safe, Henry." Elizabeth told him as he got into the car and drove away.

* * *

After an extremely long 6-hour drive with more stops than Henry could count, they finally made it to his parents' house. He smiled when he pulled up and saw his mom standing outside to welcome them. He really did miss her. He put the car in park and got out to greet her.

"Henry, my baby! It's been too long since you've been up here!" His mother said as she pulled him into a big hug. "Let me see my grandbabies!" She quickly abandoned him and focused on her grandchildren.

The car was soon unpacked and they were all inside. The kids were playing in the living room and his parents were eating it up. Henry just sat back with a drink in his hand watching it all. He was glad that he made the trip up, even if the motivation behind the decision was to put some distance between him and Elizabeth.

After a short call to Elizabeth, all the kids were asleep for the night. Henry was sitting on the back-porch swing when he heard the back door open and his mother walk out. She sat down behind him in silence.

"So, when were you going to tell me that you and Elizabeth were fighting?"

Henry's head shot up and he looked at his mother in surprise. "Wh –what? We aren't fighting."

"Henry, I'm not stupid. She didn't come with you to visit which only happens when she's busy with work and that's not a factor anymore and you barely talked to each other for two minutes when you called. How long has this been going on?"

Henry took a sip of his beer and thought about how he wanted to answer his mom. Finally, he decided to confide in her. He wanted to talk to his mom. With a sigh and a slight crack in his voice, "Three months. Since right before she left the CIA."

"Three months?!" She shook her head. "Henry, what did you do?"

He glared at his mom before speaking, "I, uh, -I gave her an ultimatum. She was offered a great position. A promotion. But it required a year overseas. Maybe more. I told her that I didn't know what it would look like when she got back if she took the job. So, she quit. She quit because of me," He paused shaking his head and taking a sip of his beer. " and now she hates me. We barely talk anymore and if we do we're fighting." He focused on the beer in his hand but felt his mom put her arm around him. "I'm going to lose her, mom." He said as the first tears fell and he didn't bother to wipe them away.

"Do you still love her?"

"What? Of course I do! That's why I didn't want her to go. She's my life. She's the kid's life."

"Then fight for her. She needs you to fight for her."

"I don't know how anymore. I mean, today was the first day in three months she even let me so much as hug her."

"Henry, that girl needs you. I do not believe that she _hates _you, if she did you'd be here talking about divorce. She's just lost at the moment. The job was as much her family as you are and now she is grieving that loss. Who does she have in her corner to help her right now? Has she talked to her brother?" Henry shook his head no. "She definitely hasn't talk to us and I doubt she wants to let her friends in on a fight with her husband. Right now, she needs you even if she doesn't want to admit it. Stop picking fights with her and just be there. Help her figure out what's next. This is a loss just like any other and we all know she's already dealt with too much of that."

Henry was quiet as he found comfort in the hug of his mother as he wiped his tears and thought about what his mother was saying. After a few minutes, he sat up. "Mom, could you do me a favor? Could you watch the kids this week?"

"I thought you'd never ask." She replied as she smiled at him. "Give her the weekend to be on her own and go down on Monday. Surprise her. We'll bring the kids back down next weekend."

Henry hugged his mom tightly and whispered his thanks to her. She just smiled and rubbed his back. He may be a grown man with a family but she loved that he still came to her for advice.


	7. The Visit

**A/N: Thanks for the warm return welcome and reviews on this story! I am really enjoying the continuation of this story and I hope that you are as well. **

* * *

The next day, Henry and the kids hung around his parent's house and just visited with his family. It was, dare he say it, nice. All of his siblings were spending time with the kids and he was thankful for that.

He was in the kitchen making lunch with his back to the door when Maureen walked in, "So, did you finally wise up and leave Queen Elizabeth?"

Henry tensed at her comment, "Maureen! When are you going to realize that Elizabeth is it for me? I'm not leaving her."

Oh, so she's just suddenly too good to come visit?"

"Maureen, stop."

"No, she _always_ thinks she's better than everyone. She always has. I guess she finally decided to stop pretending."

Henry had enough and turned around, to yell, "Leave Elizabeth alone! You know _nothing_ about her. You've NEVER tried to get to know her. STOP! She is my _wife!_" Henry slammed his plate back onto the counter and went out back to cool down.

He paced the back yard before pulling out his cell phone. He went back and forth before finally finding Elizabeth's name and pressing the call button. He needed to talk to his wife.

It rang and rang and just before it went to voicemail she picked up.

"Hello?"_ God, it's good to hear her voice. _He thought as he heard her speak.

"Elizabeth." She could hear the sadness in his voice. "How are you?" He asked, somewhat unsure of what to say to her.

"Good, I guess. It's quiet. Really quiet." She decided to answer him honestly. "Isabelle is here though. Thanks for that, by the way."

Henry thought about denying his involvement in that but decided to just settle on acknowledgement. He called Isabelle the previous night after his talk with his mom. He wanted Elizabeth to talk to someone and even if she couldn't confide in her friend at least she had someone there with her. "You're welcome, baby." He said lowly.

_Baby._ Elizabeth wondered when the last time she heard Henry call her that had been. _Way too long. _"How are the kids? Your parents?"

"Good, the kids are loving all of the attention." Henry chuckled. "Dad is his usual but I did see a smile from him when Jason fell asleep in his lap last night."

"They get to him more than he admits," Elizabeth replied with a small laugh. She could hear the strain in Henry's voice as he talked and she realized that all she wanted was her husband back home with her but he said that he needed a break so she would let him have this time. She couldn't blame him for wanting time away, they _had_ been arguing nonstop over the past few months. It was exhausting. She wanted a break from it as well, not from Henry, but what she has been feeling. She couldn't shake the feelings of loss and hurt that she harbored. The resentment she currently felt was devastating and she knew it was ruining her marriage.

"Yeah, they do." Henry said quietly breaking Elizabeth out of her thoughts. He hated how awkward the conversations with his wife were. He greatly missed the ease and honesty that were always their conversations.

"Henry, I've got to go. Isabelle and I are heading into town for lunch. Let the kids know that I'll talk to them tonight?" She asked, hopeful.

"Of course. They loved talking to you last night." There was silence on both ends of the call until Henry spoke again, "Elizabeth?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you, always. _Please _remember that." Henry felt that she needed that reminder, hell, he needed that reminder right now. Their relationship had never been this strained before. Even when he stupidly broke up with her in college for three days.

"I love you, Henry." Elizabeth softly replied before hanging up. She took a deep breath as she held the phone against her. She had confided in Isabelle the previous night and Isabelle surprised her by giving her a dose of tough love. They spoke in depth about the entire situation and Elizabeth's feelings until the early hours of the morning. It was cathartic for Elizabeth. She was beginning to make a plan and she now knew what she needed to do. She just had to do it. In the meantime she planned to enjoy the day with her best friend.

* * *

Henry hung up the phone but stayed outside enjoying the quiet. His plan had been to leave the following Morning and head back home to try to begin to repair the damage that the past months had caused. However, after that phone call and the emotion that he could hear in Elizabeth's voice, he scraped that idea. With determination, he walked back inside his parents' house to find his mother.

After searching downstairs, he found her in her bedroom putting away clothes. He lightly knocked on the door before entering when his mom looked up and smiled at him.

"Everything okay, Henry?" Sarah asked as she glanced at him while folding his father's shirt. Henry was standing just inside her bedroom door with his hands in his pants pocket, looking more like a shy teenager than the adult father of three that he actually was.

"No, not really. I just got off the phone with Elizabeth. Maureen popped off again about Elizabeth while we were in the kitchen and I just needed to hear her voice. She's hanging out with her friend Isabelle today."

"Isn't that a good thing?" Sarah asked confused.

"No, no it is. I just – I realized while I was talking to her that I don't want to go back tomorrow."

"Henry McCord! What are you talking about?" She yelled in a low voice as she put the shirt down and waited for his explanation.

"I mean, if it's okay with you and dad, I want to leave now. We need to fix this and the longer I'm gone the harder it's going to be. I know she's with Isabelle but maybe I can be there when they get home." Henry quickly corrected himself when he realized what his first statement implied.

"Go, baby. Don't worry about the kids, we've got them. It's important that you go." Sarah walked up to Henry as he spoke and she rubbed her hands down his arms before giving him a quick hug. "Go help your wife. Then after you do, tell her to call me more often. I know I'm not her mother but I'll always be here for her like one."

Henry nodded and kissed the side of his mother's head before stepping out of her hug. "Thanks, mom. I'm going to go grab my things and tell the kids. Also, uh – can you keep a close eye on Stevie? She's picked up on everything that's going on. I don't want me leaving to worry her out more."

"Of course, sweetie. She'll be okay. Kids are resilient like that."

He smiled weakly at her before almost running to his childhood room to get his suitcase and go downstairs. Sarah followed and watched as he gathered his children and patiently told them that he had to go back to Virginia but they were going to get to stay with their grandparents for the week. He kissed and tightly hugged each of them before leaving.

* * *

Henry reached his home around 9pm to find all of the lights off and no one home. He took his suitcase upstairs and unpacked before going down to the kitchen to make a small dinner for himself. He saw two empty bottles of wine on the dining room table with a bowl of half eaten popcorn. He could only assume that was from the previous night with Isabelle.

By the time he ate dinner and cleaned everything up, it was after 10:30pm. He turned off the kitchen lights before heading up to his bedroom. He changed into pajamas, climbed into bed, and grabbed his book. He decided to read until Elizabeth got home.

* * *

**A/N: Since we don't know Mrs. McCord's name, I chose Sarah in honor of my grandmother that I lost to Alzheimer's in 2015. I picture this Mrs. McCord to be a lot like her. **


	8. The Reckoning

**A/N: Thank you for all of the reviews so far! Here is the next chapter!**

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After their long talk the previous night, Isabelle knew that her best friend needed her more than she had let on. So, she made a decision to take Elizabeth out to dinner which lead to the two of them going dancing. Elizabeth was thankful for a friend that could tell that she needed a distraction.

Elizabeth was dropped off at her house by Juliet around 1 am. As she came inside, she noticed the hall light on but assumed Isabelle turned it on before the left. She discarded her heels in the entryway and climbed the stairs. Walking into the bedroom, she suddenly stopped with she saw Henry asleep on their bed with an open book on his chest. She immediately backed out of the room and checked all three kids' rooms to find them empty. Beginning to panic, she went back into her bedroom and gently woke Henry up.

He rubbed his eyes as he groggily looked at her. "Elizabeth?" He looked at her and noticed she was in his favorite dress and her hair was down in flowy waves. "What time is it?"

She glanced at the alarm clock, "It's 1:15. Where are the kids? What are you doing here?"

He could hear the panic in her voice, "They are still in Pittsburgh with my parents. They are fine. I wanted to talk to you without interruption."

"Why didn't you tell me?" She asked as she went into their closet and changed into pajamas.

He shrugged before realizing she couldn't see him. "I don't know. I didn't know how you'd react, I guess." He rubbed his face. "Can we talk about this tomorrow?"

She came back into their room in loose pajama bottoms and one of his t-shirts. She climbed into her side of the bed and nodded. "Yeah, okay."

They both settled into bed as a silence filled with tension enveloped their bedroom.

"Henry?" Elizabeth whispered, not daring to look at him. "Will you hold me?"

Henry didn't respond but immediately scooted over and pulled her against his chest. He buried his face in the back of her hair and tightened his arm around her waist.

He missed this.

Elizabeth relaxed in her husband's arms, resting her own hand on-top of the one resting around her waist. Quiet tears rolled down her cheeks as she stayed awake for another hour listening to him sleep.

The following morning, Elizabeth woke up to Henry placing a light kiss on her shoulder. She slowly rolled over to face him.

"Good morning" Elizabeth whispered, still unsure of why Henry came back alone.

"Morning," he replied with a deep morning voice. He cleared his throat, "You looked beautiful last night, Elizabeth."

She blushed in response before asking the question on her mind, "I know I asked last night but why are you here? I thought you needed a break from _this_."

"I did. Or at least I thought I did." Sighing, he continued. "I talked to mom our first night there. She knew we were fighting before I even said anything. We talked a lot about what I did and what's been going on the past few months and she made me realize that I needed to be here. That we needed time to talk without the kids. I planned to drive back this morning but after I talked to you yesterday, I – I just wanted to be here with you."

"I'm sorry that I wasn't here."

Henry shook his head, "Don't be. I'm glad you were with Isabelle. I don't think you've done that enough lately." He smiled slightly and rubbed his hand up the side of her arm. "Let's go make coffee. Then we can talk?"

"Yeah, okay."

* * *

Henry went downstairs to make coffee while Elizabeth grabbed her robe. She made her way downstairs and decided to make a small fire in the fireplace before getting a throw blanket and snuggling into the corner of the couch. She thanked Henry when he brought her a cup of coffee and a Danish before he sat down in the opposite corner of the couch.

There was a moment of silence between the two before Henry decided to be the one to break it.

"Do you want a divorce, Elizabeth? Did I screw us up that badly?"

Elizabeth, who was looking down at her coffee, looked up at Henry in shock. She could see the love, and overwhelming fear, in his expression. "Of course not! No, Henry." She paused before asking shakily, "do you? Is that why you came back without the kids?"

He shook his head exhaled with relief. He then spoke with emotion clear in his voice, "That couldn't be further from what I want."

Elizabeth took a deep breath in relief. She had been worried that she had pushed him away too much over the past three months. "Henry, how do we get _us_ back? I'm terrified that you're going to get tired of this and leave but I don't know how to change it. Isabelle said that I needed to find a new job, something to fill that part of my life again. I want that to happen, I _need_ that to happen. I love our kids, you know that, but I am not meant to stay home with them every day." They both chuckled a little at how true that statement was. "But, I don't know where to even start. I've never considered anything but the CIA."

As she was talking, Henry moved across the couch to be closer to her until he was sitting on the next couch cushion. He tentatively reached out to hold her hand, which she willingly accepted. He rubbed his thumb over the top of her hand as he spoke, "I think that she's right. I want to tell you what my mom said when we talked, may I?"

"Of course." Elizabeth held his hand a little tighter and used her free hand to hold her coffee mug that she was using for comfort during this conversation.

"She related what you're going through now with grief because, at the end of the day, the CIA was a big part of your life and your family. "He paused, sighing, "Mom told me that you're grieving this loss and she made me realize that you have been keeping it all to yourself, like you did with your parents. I caused it this time and you didn't have anyone to confide in."

Elizabeth didn't say anything in response as she unsuccessfully fought back tears. She knew that what Henry was saying was true, it had been what she was feeling for the past few months.

"I think –I think that it would be good for you to go to therapy. For both of us to go." Henry asked hesitantly as Elizabeth had always been resistant to therapy in the past. His heart broke, though, when Elizabeth only nodded as she finally broke down and her sobs take over. Henry immediately sat both of their mugs on the table and pulled her into his arms, holding onto her as she cried.

As he held her, he thought about how much he loved Elizabeth and how he knew that he would do whatever it took for the Elizabeth he knew and loved to come back to him. He knew that he had to be there for her more than he had been and to stop expecting her to do it all on her own.

Henry tightened his arms around her and placed as kiss onto the top of her head. "I'm so fucking sorry, Elizabeth." 

* * *

**I just have to say, pretty much all of you thought that she was going to Pittsburgh. I honestly hadn't even considered that scenario until you all mentioned it! lol**


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